However, when those emotions come up during a collaborative four-way, I'm far more challenged because those emotions could kill the collaborative process. I cannot use them to my client's advantage and I definitely cannot ignore them. Those very powerful emotions must be dealt with -- and that is not easy.
I also see my clients struggle at time with honoring the collaborative way. Not surprisingly, doing the right things is oftentimes MUCH harder than doing the thing you really want -- which is to throw some mud out of pain, anger or resent.
Yesterday, even though it was a difficult session, both clients signed their divorce papers. They did so without going to court, and their children knew very little about the whole process. Very little "blood" was shed between these devoted parents. Our clients had spent a fraction of what they normally would on attorneys fees. That was their choice, one I fully support.
Tears were shed, but the proverbial blood wasn't...We did the right thing. That was really hard, but worth every second of it. I'm proud of our clients and of my collaborative colleague. Nonetheless, buyer beware, this ain't for sissies. Are you up to it? If so, welcome to the collaborative kitchen.
If you are interested in using the collaborative process to get through your divorce without an expensive and drawn-out fight in court, contact us at Childs & Childs at (559) 225-6769 to set up a consultation. Collaborative law is not right for everyone, but our collaborative attorneys, Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs, can help you determine whether collaborative law is right for you.
Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs are also Fresno divorce litigation attorneys who provide services for divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, adoptions, guardianships, grandparent rights, domestic partnerships, and domestic violence restraining orders. Childs & Childs is proud to work throughout the Central Valley including cities like Fresno, Madera, Clovis, Kingsburg, Reedley, Selma, Tulare, Hanford, Visalia, Merced, Modesto and Coalinga.
Visit us on the web at http://www.childsandchilds.com/ to learn more about your options and to see a better way to move forward in your life.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Collaborative Divorce Ain't For Sissies: Part One
One very interesting thought came to my mind yesterday as I was working my way through a collaborative divorce four-way meeting. That thought was, "This is way harder than I thought it would be!" I guess I naively thought that "divorce with respect" meant "an easier way to divorce". That is not so.
Collaborative divorce IS easier when it comes to the honestly, integrity and trust I have with my collaborative colleagues. However, our collaborative clients STILL run the gamut of emotions such as anger, pain, rage and even the "I'm gonna make you pay" emotion. As a litigator, that is just par for the course and I expect it. When I see it during litigation, I try to divert that emotion in a way that will either help my client make it through the quagmire of pain, misery and law, or ignore it.
More to come next week...
If you are interested in using the collaborative process to get through your divorce without an expensive and drawn-out fight in court, contact us at Childs & Childs at (559) 225-6769 to set up a consultation. Collaborative law is not right for everyone, but our collaborative attorneys, Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs, can help you determine whether collaborative law is right for you.
Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs are also Fresno divorce litigation attorneys who provide services for divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, adoptions, guardianships, grandparent rights, domestic partnerships, and domestic violence restraining orders. Childs & Childs is proud to work throughout the Central Valley including cities like Fresno, Madera, Clovis, Kingsburg, Reedley, Selma, Tulare, Hanford, Visalia, Merced, Modesto and Coalinga.
Visit us on the web at www.childsandchilds.com to learn more about your options and to see a better way to move forward in your life.
Collaborative divorce IS easier when it comes to the honestly, integrity and trust I have with my collaborative colleagues. However, our collaborative clients STILL run the gamut of emotions such as anger, pain, rage and even the "I'm gonna make you pay" emotion. As a litigator, that is just par for the course and I expect it. When I see it during litigation, I try to divert that emotion in a way that will either help my client make it through the quagmire of pain, misery and law, or ignore it.
More to come next week...
If you are interested in using the collaborative process to get through your divorce without an expensive and drawn-out fight in court, contact us at Childs & Childs at (559) 225-6769 to set up a consultation. Collaborative law is not right for everyone, but our collaborative attorneys, Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs, can help you determine whether collaborative law is right for you.
Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs are also Fresno divorce litigation attorneys who provide services for divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, adoptions, guardianships, grandparent rights, domestic partnerships, and domestic violence restraining orders. Childs & Childs is proud to work throughout the Central Valley including cities like Fresno, Madera, Clovis, Kingsburg, Reedley, Selma, Tulare, Hanford, Visalia, Merced, Modesto and Coalinga.
Visit us on the web at www.childsandchilds.com to learn more about your options and to see a better way to move forward in your life.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Are you thinking of getting divorced? Are you in the middle of one and are blown away by the financial devistation you are experiencing? You are not a lone. Most divorces are expensive. On averate, divorcing spouses can end up paying between $5,000 and $30,000 or more in legal fees and court costs.
If a divorce is more contentious, then it is likely to cost more because you may find yourself in court several times to argue about support payments, child custody, the use of your home, or restraining orders, all before you receive a final judgment of dissolution. If your case goes to trial, you will pay even more fees for your lawyer, as well as fees for expert witnesses like accountants and appraisers who are needed explain to the court how much the your property is worth.
One way to avoid that cost is to try collaborative divorce. Basically, it is where two people hire two collaboratively-trained lawyers who facilitate your divorce out of court, for a lot less money and much more quickly than usual. This sounds too good to be true, but it's not. It really does work and is working all over the world.
If you are interested in using the collaborative process to get through your divorce without an expensive and drawn-out fight in court, contact us at Childs & Childs at (559) 225-6769 to set up a consultation. Collaborative law is not right for everyone, but our collaborative attorneys, Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs, can help you determine whether collaborative law is right for you.
Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs are also Fresno divorce litigation attorneys who provide services for divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, adoptions, guardianships, grandparent rights, domestic partnerships, and domestic violence restraining orders. Childs & Childs is proud to work throughout the Central Valley including cities like Fresno, Madera, Clovis, Kingsburg, Reedley, Selma, Tulare, Hanford, Visalia, Merced, Modesto and Coalinga.
Visit us on the web at http://www.childsandchilds.com/ to learn more about your options and to see a better way to move forward in your life.
If a divorce is more contentious, then it is likely to cost more because you may find yourself in court several times to argue about support payments, child custody, the use of your home, or restraining orders, all before you receive a final judgment of dissolution. If your case goes to trial, you will pay even more fees for your lawyer, as well as fees for expert witnesses like accountants and appraisers who are needed explain to the court how much the your property is worth.
One way to avoid that cost is to try collaborative divorce. Basically, it is where two people hire two collaboratively-trained lawyers who facilitate your divorce out of court, for a lot less money and much more quickly than usual. This sounds too good to be true, but it's not. It really does work and is working all over the world.
If you are interested in using the collaborative process to get through your divorce without an expensive and drawn-out fight in court, contact us at Childs & Childs at (559) 225-6769 to set up a consultation. Collaborative law is not right for everyone, but our collaborative attorneys, Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs, can help you determine whether collaborative law is right for you.
Erin Rhames-Childs and Jerry Childs are also Fresno divorce litigation attorneys who provide services for divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, adoptions, guardianships, grandparent rights, domestic partnerships, and domestic violence restraining orders. Childs & Childs is proud to work throughout the Central Valley including cities like Fresno, Madera, Clovis, Kingsburg, Reedley, Selma, Tulare, Hanford, Visalia, Merced, Modesto and Coalinga.
Visit us on the web at http://www.childsandchilds.com/ to learn more about your options and to see a better way to move forward in your life.
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